The Malaysian Defined

It's very difficult to be a Malaysian if you were never one.

It's not just documents and signatures. It's more than one you think.

To be a good Malaysian you have to be all of the following:

1) You must be polite and helpful.
2) You have to greet anyone and everyone you know and do not know.
3) You have to at least speak broken Malay.
4) You ought to have a good sense of erotic-humor.
5) You have to eat rice for every meal of the day.
6) You must do Teh Tarik at the mamak.
7) You must be lazy and sloppy after lunch.
8) You're not Malaysian if you don't backbite your boss at least during lunch hours and once work is over.
9) Being Malaysian is about expecting a pay-raise even when your work load has not increased.
10) The average Malaysian dreams of owning a business but ends up with MLM schemes.
11) You have to be SLOW with work and fast on the road to be the best Malaysian.
12) A good typical Malaysian is often a right-winger in politics.
13) To be Malaysian, you have to expect to be spoon-fed all your life.
14) To be a good Malaysian, you are taught in school that you have to Be a Useful Malaysian, (more like the acronym actually; a BUM)

Teh Tarik?

Teh Tarik
Definition: Malaysian tea, stretched between two tin cans.

Goodness: Eases bowel movement and acts as a considerably effective tranquilizer.

Effects: Makes you think more than you should and encourages you to smoke a lot more than you usually would.

Tag Line: You're not Malaysian enough if don't do it!

Competitor: Guiness Stout and Carlsberg.

Foe: Kopi Kapal Api.

Ending Quote: To hell with what they say! You're not jobless if you have teh tarik!

Teh Tarik, the average Malaysian man's all time remedy.

Love

Love, the best of it's kind finds not a reason but abounds in itself.

Death

Death is an exit-entrance from decay into a whole new cycle of chaos, harmony or nothingness.

Religion

Religion is to the mind as a pyjama is to a wardrobe.

What is in 86400?

86400, is the number of seconds you have in a day. But what is in it if not what you put into it?

God

God is everything you'll ever need when you can't have what you want the way you want it.

Life

Life is a bag of anchovies, you always get the same fish but it's too small and rotten. (contemplate)